Let’s say you’ve spent the past year writing earnestly about your separation and eventual divorce from your husband. You vacillate between friendship and formality and a few slip-ups wherein you become lovers, but you eventually settle into a nice, friendly relationship with occasional flirting.You chronicled your tumultuous separation that eventually mellowed into a strange period wherein you hung out quite a bit in some kind of confused limbo. You learn he’s talking to other women, you talk to other men.We would meet once or twice a month for coffee or pho, catch each other up on the latest in each others’ lives, and in general, have a nice, easy-going time. After coffee or dinner, we would go over to each others’ house and watch a movie.And then show each other silly videos on You Tube…and then play each other our new favorite songs.Sometime late last year, my ex and I worked up the nerve to become friends again.We had been broken up for two years and decided that we could definitely be friends.
A word of warning when you’re in post-breakup mourning: DO NOT seek comfort in the arms of your ex. Instead, recruit a support system from your inner circle of friends, preferably friends who have your best interests at heart and won’t report back to your ex on your progress and setbacks. Then shut the door on any and all opportunities to help each other heal following the breakup.In giving yourself a six-month cushion, you greatly increase your chances of getting over your ex.In the throes of post-breakup angst, you may not like the sound of that. Rather than fight what you know is right for you, give yourself permission to put the six-month rule into practice.My advice, however, is to not assume anything about your new/old partner, but to relearn about this person.In your time apart, your ex could have done a multitude of really cool things, like contemplating a new career path, getting really into meditation or become the biggest Chicago Bulls fan in the world.