There aren’t hard and fast rules about what’s a good vs. Research has shown that the most effective communication style in relationships is a flexible one. Why: This is primarily relevant if you're either an extreme night or an extreme morning person.
The examples below are intended to stimulate your own ideas rather than as rules. Why: Is the person about to make any major life changes e.g., leave their 0K/year job to go back to school? Do they see it as a job, a vocation, or are they primarily motivated by climbing the career ladder?
Via Sam Gosling’s book, Snoop: What Your Stuff Says About You: Arthur Aron, a psychologist at the State University of New York at Stony Brook, is interested in how people form romantic relationships, and he’s come up with an ingenious way of taking men and women who have never met before and making them feel close to one another. Instead of talking about the World Cup or their favorite desserts, they shared their innermost fears or told the story of losing their virginity.
, whether we're going "out on the town" or staying in for an at-home date. I loved the beginning, when we were simply friends learning each other's favorite color or favorite type of music.
There's nothing like that quality time and intent in discovering the intricacies of the other person. But there is still so much we can learn about each other; so many ways we can still grow our intimacy through conversation. indulgence Beyond favorites, there's something about knowing if a person prefers a mac or a pc (for example) that can be so telling about personality and how they tick.
All it takes is a couple questions to get that going. These are similar to favorites and can be expounded on, but are great for rapid-fire, too.
Find out early if there are reasons that “making it work” will be fraught. Select a few of these questions rather than attempt to ask them all on the same first date! For example, if one person likes to take very long trips and the other person has a more standard two weeks vacation time. If asking this question leads to five solid minutes of them complaining you'll know the person sees the glass as half empty. Why: When you enter a relationship with someone you’re also entering a relationship with their friends. Why: If one of you doesn't like pets and the other has 3 dogs, that's likely to be a problem.
The stereotype, of course, is that men freak out when thinking about anything but the next 48 hours, beer, and football. And the most controversial one…DO (Carefully, gently, and in the right circumstance): Talk about babies. As one mid-thirties friend of mine put it, "I'm just gonna start blurting it out on the first date. OK, all that said, I do have a few rules of my own:1. It's true that I think most dating rules are dumb. (This goes for nonbelievers too, as sermonizing against sermons is just another form of preaching.) But if you're looking for a partner—not just a hookup—and if you know that religion is a key criteria, why not test the waters? " But this is exactly the stuff I want to know: her job, her family, her friends, even the minutiae of her day. A date once told me, "I'm sorry, I'm talking too much about myself! And when women have broached the subject with me on a first date—using a light touch, of course—it didn't wig me out. No interrogating (no need to ask all 100 questions at once); no vague "so, what's new with you? " Just a few questions spread throughout the date night, or even throughout the week. I notice the lull in conversation, and I start with a prolonged "Whhhhaat..." in hopes that something fun, funny or profound will follow.